Sadness

Gabe said to me last night, as I was putting him to bed, that he wanted to spend as much time with his friends as possible before we leave because he is going to miss them. Ugh. I had been living safely in my delusion that they would be too young to really miss their friends--that being with us would trump their blessed out of sight out of mind mentality about life in general. But if I really think about that, I'm pretty sure that sort of perspective disappears in toddlerhood. When I heard my son tell me that he is going to miss his friends, I felt an awful sinking feeling.

And I'm beginning the process of saying good-bye to my clients. I feel awful right now about that too as I'm the one leaving them rather than them leaving me which would be a much more natural process. That twinge of guilt is mixed with sadness that I won't get to see what happens next in their lives.

But there's nothing like the sadness that I feel when I think about leaving my friends and family. That sadness I haven't yet been able to look directly in the eye. Every time I glance in its direction, I see such a forbidding emptiness that I quickly look away. We'll be back! I keep saying to myself and those around me, wishing that fact would, poof, make the sadness disappear.

I've learned, over the years, that I can be both sad and thrilled, both missing you and excited at the same time. I know that both are real and both are important and neither one cancels out the other. I was about to write that I hope to be able to teach this to my children but I think what I witnessed last night at bedtime is that Gabe is already modeling this for me. He's not saying he doesn't want to go, he's just clear that what is important right now is what we have in front of us right now. I so get that.

So here are some pictures of the kids at their respective sleep-overs, soaking up the joy they get from their friends.

Time to ship

This is a picture of Mark training for our adventure abroad. Not bad huh?

We are shipping on Thursday. Boxes of bikes, golf clubs, toys, clothes, books and enough bathroom paraphenalia to maintain the hygeine of a girl scout troop for months. We're shipping it all, rather than buying things while we're there for a few reasons. First of all, the US dollar is weak. Just in the last few months, it went from being worth over $1.20 in Australia to being almost 1:1. Secondly, Australia is really expensive. Our exchange partner, Prue, said she shops for clothes at Target where she can find cheap clothes. Like jeans for $60. At Target? Seriously? So we're bringing it all with us with the intention of selling it all and coming home essentially empty-handed. Hopefully we'll remember to save some money for new wardrobes or we'll be mighty cold come next January if we have no clothes left! By the way, I am shipping most of my winter clothes to wear in July in Australia. I have only kept a few things here to wear for the next 6 weeks so if you see me looking shabby, just remember that all my favorite sweaters are on a boat somewhere in the Pacific. I won't embarrass myself or our country wearing ratty clothes while I'm there. I promise.

We mailed a letter to Santa Claus requesting that he visit our house on December 8th rather than wait until Christmas Eve. We're hoping that will lighten his load on December 24th a bit so that it may feel like we're doing him a favor by having an early Christmas. We haven't heard back yet. I did figure out how he does it though--how he delivers presents to so many homes in one night. He goes from west to east. That way, he gains hours as he goes so the guy actually has 48 hours rather than 24. And anyone could do that job in 48 right?

The next six weeks of our calendar is filling up with visits and parties with friends so we can spend as much time together as possible before we will be apart. This is the hardest part--saying good-bye. I'm amazed at how close to the surface my tears are when people mention the fact that we'll be apart for a year. With all the excitement, I'm grateful that I'm still able to show up for my own saddness. It reassures me that I'm staying present. I know that this year is going to fly by for me--as I mentioned to someone the other day, I feel like we'll be home in no time and we haven't even left. And I know that if I want to enjoy this amazing opportunity, I best show up for each and every moment as they unfold--including the sad moments of saying good-bye to the people I love so dearly.

Oh, Mark got his school schedule that describes what he'll be teaching at Cardiff High School next year. Here it is:

"7E and 7R- 2 mid stream classes for 6 periods per fortnight each ( First topic is revision of numeracy skills)

8M1- our top year 8's- nice group of enthusiastic kids. You should have alot of fun with these guys

9M3- #3 out of 5 classes.

10M4- out of 5 classes- These guys are currently my 9M4 an ok group of personalities!

11General3- 4periods per cycle that you will share with a casual teacher. There are 2 other general maths teachers who you will pace yourself with.

Our seniors go Extension2( sometimes called 4 unit, 4 students) extension1( 3 unit, 11 students) Mathematics( sometimes called 2 unit, 15 students) and general maths ( 3 classes, about 55 students).
So this class is not going to be world beaters but will challenge you to keep it simple enough!( no calculus- )

my 9's are looking forward to having you. They already think you're cool!"

Hard to imagine that someday he's going to know what that means!

Here are some more pictures of kiddos to add some color to the news!

Jordan, Josh (their cousin) and Gabe playing this past summer in the backyard.

Hugs...

Have a great week everyone!!